Arthur's Seat

One of those tests

I find I am quite a bit more permissive than the Pedant-General. I'm almost a capitalist:

You are a Social Liberal (63% permissive) and an... Economic Conservative (80% permissive) You are best described as a: Libertarian Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

Second Annual Clerihew Contest - the Results

My apologies for the demise of the site last week. Seat Warmer put it this way:
The clerihews on Arthur's Seat
Are a treat,
But the glitches are bitches.

Anyhoo, onto the contest - over a score of entrants, and many excellent Clerihews, in addition to several other rhymes, limericks and other tropes.

In the domestic politics section we have three finalists:

MR Staphylococcus Aureus had Scotland's health in mind with:
Scotland's Health Minister Andy Kerr
Isn't quite sure precisely where
The money's all gone.
So he keeps spending on.

Harold peers into No.11 Downing Street:
Gordon Brown the Scottish Raj
Is laird of our Exchequerage
The English folks are quite unwilling
But he will sell them for a shilling

and the winner is Flintoffan with:
Speaker "Gorbals Mick" Martin
Declines to wear tartan
Saying "I'm really not built
To preside in a kilt".

In the sporting goods section, Wing-Half scores with:
The gifted George Best
Is now laid to rest
No more pleasure he'll give us:
"One life, with two livers".

In the Numptorium section we had these two homages to our First Minister by the G-Gnome and Flintoffan (again):
The spoutings of McConnell in oor Parly
make him look a proper Charlie.
With all PC demands he flirts,
And goes to New York in skirts.

First Minister Jack McConnell
Long after he's gone'll
Be chiefly remembered
For being rather bad-tempered

The overall winner of this year's contest is this concise retrospective look at the world twenty years ago:
Brezhnev, when he'd all his powers
Told his chums "the future's ours!"
Not having reckoned
On John Paul the Second.

Arise Rueful Red, this year's winner.

Clerihew Contest - extension

Some fantastic entries in already - the deadline for submissions has been extended to midnight GMT tomorrow (20th December). Keep them coming.

Update: The original post lists 18 comments, but only shows 6. There has obviously been a glitch in TypePad - don't worry, as they are all listed in the "back office", so we haven't lost any.

Second Annual Clerihew Contest

The Clerihew is a short poem named after its inventor Edmund Clerihew Bentley (1875-1956). According to the Poet's Manual and Rhyming Dictionary (no less) it is:

a humorous pseudo-biographical quatrain, rhymed as two couplets, with lines of uneven length more or less in the rhythm of prose.

Clerihews tend to pick on historical characters:

William the Bastard
Frequently got plastered
In a manner unbecoming to the successor
Of Edward the Confessor

or

Frederick the Great
Became King at twenty-eight
In a fit of amnesia
He invaded Silesia

or - less historical

The enemy of Harry Potter
Was a scheming plotter.
I can't tell you what he's called; I'd be ashamed
To name "he who must not be named."

and one of last year's winners:

The carboniferous exhalations
Of the top ten industrial nations
Are only exceeded, I’m sure,
By the gases from Michael Moore

Arthur's Seat is delighted to launch the SECOND annual Clerihew contest. Entries should be submitted as comments to this post. Multiple entries will be accepted. Points will be awarded. The editor's decision is, as always, final, and no correspondence will be entered into, although we will of course send thank you letters to acknowledge receipt of bankers' drafts, cheques and other gratuities.

The closing date for entries is Monday 19 December - with the winner(s) announced some time after Christmas.

Good luck!

Australia cinefacta est

What a day...what a series.

We have a Winner!

The results of our late Summer competition where you were invited to combine a series of random Google entries into something approaching prose - or even poetry.

Lemuel had this surreal entry which wins the eurovision prize for best modern verse:

"Weather"

A naked Pitt babe
on Hilton tartan;
terror ranch,
ball jihad!

Dave T wins the contemporary politics award with this:

Naked his head but sexy with it according to my wife
Pitt the Younger was a book he wrote
Babe was not how he referred to his Great Leader
Tartan would never have been seen in such numbers in his Cabinet
Hilton Hotel has more style but he is more popular as 'man of the people'
Terror crossed his face under the baseball cap as the log plunged down the water chute
Ranch visits would have been fun as he bikes like Bush
Ball on terrorism would not have been dropped
Jihad would have been declared on him
Weather might even have been sunnier under his leadership

Who is he? (William Hague)

Our outright victor is Macdo at Da Blog with this elegantly crafted piece of prose:

The Pitt-Hilton ranch was on the ball. Terror, in the form of a jihad directed at the world's favourite babe, had coloured even the weather. Naked she stood, save for her tartan scarf, defying public opinion. This was just the beginning, her stance proclaimed.

Thanks to all those who contributed entries. There'll be another competition along soon!

Summer Competition - last call

Last call for the summer contest: entries by Monday 5th please.

Please write a short piece of prose (100 words max), or a poem (16 lines max), which includes the following words, all chosen because of the frequency of their entry into search engines:

naked
Pitt
babe
tartan
Hilton
terror
ranch
ball
jihad
weather

Googlers literary competition

Following on from yesterday's post here is our late Summer competition. Perfect for getting those creative juices flowing after a long and indulgent holiday.

Please write a short piece of prose (100 words max), or a poem (16 lines max), which includes the following words, all chosen because of the frequency of their entry into search engines:

naked
Pitt
babe
tartan
Hilton
terror
ranch
ball
jihad
weather

Closing date for entries is Friday 2 September. Good luck!

Mini Saga contest - the results!

After weeks of deliberation the judges of our first Mini Saga contest are happy to announce the winners. The entries were excellent - only a few missed the 50 word requirement - and the decision making was difficult.

Overall Mini Saga champion - Hew BG

The Lord of the Rings (somewhat abridged)

A tale of magic and mystery; betrayal and intrigue, consummate bravery and murderous scullduggery:

“One ring to rule them all. One ring to find them.
One ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.”

Not if a little chap can pop it back in the fire though.

Best Mini Saga on a sporting theme - Alex M

AMERICA'S PASTIME

First in war, first in peace and last in the American League, they said. A quest for glory; the same old baseball story. But Washington’s Senators leave for Minnesota then, after a brief second coming, for Texas. 34 years in limbo. Widowed city. Then salvation; the happy return. Play ball.

Best Mini Saga on a religious theme - Dijit

John Paul II

He conversed with God more than most. Not that he thought this was special, in fact he encouraged everyone to do so. Often in their own language. You see, he conversed with people more than most as well. Just like God. But inevitably, God decided to talk back. In person.

Best Mini Saga on natural science - Pad

Rainbow Alchemy

They say a rainbow does not begin or end in any particular place. Today the weather was perfect for rainbows, wet yet shiny, and I knew exactly where one should be. I conjured up its image, so that it began and ended in my mind. My soul glittered like gold.

Best Mini Saga about mini sagas - Della

Saga Saga

"A Mini Saga contest?" she thought, "What shall I write?" She tossed and turned long into the night when it came to her...The answer was in the question itself, a saga about writing a saga, so obvious, but yet...not. The words flowed through her fingers, she hit "Post"

Mini Sagas - update

Judging is underway in the Mini Saga contest - results should be announced next week.